Psychoanalysis Journal
by The Strange Writer
Summary: Naruto seems like the average high school reject.Plus the scars.Secretly, he suffers from a mental disorder caused by the memory of his parents murder. Now adopted by Jiraiya and Tsunade, he's trying to mentally heal and gain respect from the kids at school. But maybe he doesn't need their respect. Maybe hes needs someone to understand him and he wont believe who will. Yaoi Narugaa


_**NOTE: I DON'T OWN NARUTO!  
Also, this will only be done from Naruto's point of view.**_

_**Summary: 15 year old Naruto Uzumaki lost his parents 12 years ago when they were stabbed in a robbery. Now living with his adoptive parents Jiraiya and Tsunade, Naruto is finally going to learn how to overcome the memories that haunt him to the point of insanity while at the same time trying to grow up normal and gain acceptance where difference seems to be denied. But maybe he doesn't need a diary to confess everything and psychologist to unravel his ways. Maybe he just needs to find someone who will truly understand him… He just won't believe who that person is.**_

After all these years, I still miserable and at fault on this day every time it comes around. I don't even fully remember it happening, just the odd little faded memory that, though faded, is strong enough to disrupt my dreams and make me feel powerless and alone. But it is the fact that I KNOW it happened; that is what does it! And the fact it happened over me… That is where the self-culpability comes in.

It's the 13th of June 2012. Marking 12 years since my parents were murdered; murdered saving me…  
Like Harry Potter I guess… Only real and without the magic and blah…

Every 13th of June since I can remember, I've sat here, on my bed staring at my wall, wallowing in my own misery and guilt. The only difference about this year is the fact that I'm interrupting my wall-staring every few minutes or so to right a bit in you, my diary. My adoptive mum, Tsunade, gave me you to help with my 'emotional difficulties'. I'm being totally honest when I say that I don't understand how having a book to write in is going to help me, but I'll give it go; for her. She tries her best for me so I guess the least I can do is to cooperate with her…

She always acts so gentle to me on this day, understanding my pain. She speaks with a sweet, motherly voice, brings cups of coffee on the hour in case I need it, makes me favourite dinner (even though I never finish it), and buys me something to cheer me up. She really tries… I told her that she really doesn't have to try so hard for me when I'm wallowing in self-pity, but she disagrees highly. She argues that good on a bad day lightens up the darkness. It's actually a pleasant thing that she acts like this on the anniversary of my parents death, since she'll usually really bossy and rrreeeeeaaaallllyyy grouchy! Plus… I think she feels a little bad since she acts like their replacement. I also think that, in a way, she wishes I didn't know anything about, so we could play happy mother-and-son, and pretend the blood that's runs through our frames is of the same river…

At least I get to stay of school…

No big headed (literally and psychically) Sakura, who always ignores me because I'm not good enough for her!  
No Neji, dissing me every 5 seconds just because I'm not Mr oh-so-perfect like him. Geez, he's actually not even perfect! He's an asshole! Assholes aren't perfect, but apparently no one told_ him_ that…  
No Sasuke so push about and laugh at me.  
No Gaara to freak me out. He's not all that bad I guess, but he creeps me out! The kid acts like he's possessed! I bet he's watched The Exorcist too many times…  
None of them!

I feel bad for Hinata though…

Hinata is my best friend. When I was little, she was the only one who spoke to me, let alone liked me! The rest kids didn't like me because they were scared of the scars on my face. Those rare ones who weren't scared of them found disturbing and hideous I really used to hate my scars, but Hinata made me feel better about them.

"_Youloolikahkie…" she had whispered so gently to me in the playground when we were 6._

"_Huh?" I blinked in confusion, scratching said scars._

_Hinata had licked her lips nervously before saying in a louder voice (but still like a mouse!)"You look like a kitty"_

Surprisingly, little me had liked the idea of looking like a cat, and had taken it as a rather large compliment. When Tsunade came to pick me up after school, I had skipped home next to happily. She had fondly asked me why I was in such a good mood, a rare thing back.

"_Hinata said my scars make me look a kitty!" I had beamed up at happily_

_Tsunade had smiled with so my affection, ruffling my hair and giggle "Well isn't she right? I guess I have my own little Neko Boy!"_

She still calls me that now. And Hinata, she calls me Neko Boy too, or Nekoko (kitty). It actually started off my fascination and love for the furry creatures. I have four cats now. There's Bou a bug white fluff ball, Shou who a short golden coat, Kuu is completely black, and Ruu who is hairless. Other than Hinata, these four have to be my real best friends, my best ones in the whole wide world.

I don't want to think about my parents and as anymore…  
I think I'll do what Tsunade suggested when she gave me this diary. She told me to write about myself in the first few pages. It could pass a few miserable minute, I bet, so….  
But do I write? I asked Tsunade this and she told me 'write like you're describing yourself to a blind person who you have just met. Write your name, age, birthday, what you like, what you hate… You know the drill Naru… And could write a bit about the kitties if you want! I think they'd be proud to have a mention in such a personal book". I guess I'll write it like a blink man is interviewing me...

Name: Uzumaki Naruto

Age: 15

Hair colour: Blonde. It's like a cross between electric yellow, and the kind of blond that is close to strawberry.

Eye colour: Blue! But they look black when I'm angry…

Height: 5ft 5!

Okay, I lie a little- 5ft 3. And a half…

Weight: I don't actually know thing… about 8 and half stone? Maybe 9?

Likes: Er… Ramen and cats!

Hates: Anyone who isn't the following-  
1) Tsunade  
2) Hinata  
3) Jiraiya (my adoptive dad)  
4) Kakashi (my sensei)  
5) I was thinking about putting Gaara here since I don't actually hate the kid… But I doesn't seem exactly relavent…

Favourite colours: Orange and red

Favourite band: Nightmare… The Gazette?... Malice Mizer … I don't that's something I can really level down to one thing

I'm bored with this already…  
I really miss being with Hinata right now, but I don't feel have the effort to even sit up. Let alone, to get ready and head off to school to see her. There's no point in going to school now anyway. It's already 13:43, and fourth lesson will be over in 10, and then there's just science… I'm ahead in science so what is the point?

That's the point in anything when it can be so cruelly ripped away from you in seconds in a way you would expect? I bet my mum and dad didn't expect _him_ to break in to our house at 10 at night…

AH! I'm thinking about it again! It never goes away, no matter how hard I try! I just want to put my mind off it! Just for a little while longer... Just for a little while longer, just to forget. Forget the mental scars. Forget the psychical scars… Just to forget the scars…

But I don't want to forget everything.

Because the scars are my only memory.

I spent the afternoon in and out of angry crying fits, most silent. Tsunade came on the hour to find out if I was alright, I turned away for most of them. The 4th time she came early, because I started screaming. I push all these thoughts out of my head usually, but on this day I never can. He haunts me until I break, until I scream, until I cry, until I fall.

She yelled my name desperately and worriedly as she came running up the stairs to my room. She was yelling louder than me- and I was screaming! She threw herself into my room, the door banging hard as it the wall. I was on my floor screaming… It felt like it was all happening again, like it was all happing right in front of me.

I could see it.

The difference is that this time I know what's going on; I know what's going to happen. My mother, the one who's blood runs through my veins is screaming. She's screaming angrily, a knife in her hands as she stands in front of me, protecting me. No my dad is here, the dad who gave me blonde hair and blue eyes. He's strangling the man, pulling him away from my mother. She turns to me, and begins to bend to pick me up. Then, something stops. A loud, ear- popping sound vibrates the room, and for a second she freezes before turning back to face away from me. My fathers on the floor, a fresh pool of rosy liquid staining the wooden floor and spreading fast. Now the attacks aiming for her and she doesn't know what to do. He runs her, knocking her over the heard wickedly with the gun, sending her to the floor. She quickly sits up, the blade still in her hands, her red hair a crazy messy in her delicate face. She looks from him to me in a panic. A determined look whips across her face and she quickly pounces but, as quick as she moves up to attack, she's back to the floor at the same speed, the knife falling form her grip. She doesn't fit up this time. I'm crying louder and louder as the attacker bends down to my mother and picks up the shining blade. Then he turns to me, the mask covering his face in a terrible mystery. Closer and closer and closer and-

Now, Tsunade as her arms round me now, holding me close as he rocks me while we sit on the floor. I fall into her embrace, my eyes pressed onto her shoulder as she cry, my screams muffled by her kimono cloth. She shushes me, stroking my hair and kissing my head. As my sobs begin to lighten, the sound of stomping feet. I turn my head slightly so I can see past Tsunade's shoulder and to my front door. Seconds later Jiraiya appears, a little breathless and shaken.

"What's going on?" he puffs as he stares at us, in no way confused.

"What do you think?" Tsunade hissed, still stroking my head, her grip tightening on me.

I swallow, pulling my head away from Tsunade so I could speak clearly "B-bang…" was all I could stutter out.

Jiraiya's eyes close as he took a deep breath. He stepped towards me and Tsunade and bends down to us. He gives me kind, understand smile, using his large finger flick a tear off my cheek. As he moves closer, Tsunade laid her head upon mine, her hand drifting down to the back of my head instead. The father-figure in my life pulled me and the blonde closer towards him, cuddling us close.

With the warmth of the two people I love most in this world surround me, I began to calm and the horrible images began to die once more. Though I knew they would soon return. I snuggled my head back into Tsunade's shoulder and quickly became overcome by tiredness.

I can't even remember getting into bed. Maybe Jiraiya picked me up and tucked me away. I don't know… I don't know how long I was asleep for either, but I know that when I woke up in the middle of the night, the lamp light coming through my bedroom window was far too irritating to sleep with.

I crawled out my bed and over to the window to close the curtains. With a tight grasp on each curtain, I was about to drag them closed when something caught my eye outside. Standing underneath the old, rusting lamp post that shone out bright through the dark, was a person. They were dressed in what looked like a dark-coloured cape with a massive hood that hid them well. In the night, I swear I could see glowing green eyes from under the hood.  
The person stood slightly to the side, appearing to be staring at the house next door to mine. They didn't move, their body as still as a solid, cold ice sculpture. I was tempted to open my window and yell out the strange statue, but I was sure what exactly I should say. 'Hello' actually seemed a bit dim in this case, and yelling out 'why are staring at a house at 2 in the morning?' just sounded plain rude. The wind blew heavily, making the cap dance around the figure like butterflies, revealing what I recognised as a tight ninja uniform, with a chest and abs brace over the top. The person seemed to have very little shape to their body, making me pretty sure that the stranger was a boy. As I stared, frozen myself in confusion, the figure finally began to move. It was only his head, slowly turning to face my own house, the eyes finally relaxing at the front door, down stairs. I was surprised he hadn't notice me, peering out the windows and down at him. I cocked my head to the side, pressing my body against the window as I carried on watching him, to see if he did anything else. Like before, he stood and stared, unmoving. I wonder what was so interesting. I leaned my forehead against the cold window, my blue eyes beginning to become sleepy once move. They wide and awake again when the figures head began to move again, this time up; up towards my window. Finally, our hours met. I jumped as the electric green seemed hit my own bright blues. We held the look for a while, just watching each other, both of us seeming to wait for the other to make a move. Once again, it was he move. Not this head only this time; his whole body. Once foot stepped backwards, as if he was going to fall as his head fell forward. He shock it, before making quick movements, looking from side to side in confusion, his arms held out from him, as if he thought someone would pounce on him any second. He didn't look up at me at all, instead he quickly dashed off down the road like a pack of hungry wolves was behind him. I watched him for a little while, until he was fully away in the distance.

I yawned, finally closing my curtains and wobbled my way back to bed. My eyelids and shoulders quickly became too heavy for me I dropped down on to my comfy mattress. I covered my face with my hands and sighed, relaxing into my pillow, not bothering to pull my duvet up to hug me as I fell fast asleep.

_**Well, what do you guys think? Any good? Should I carry on?**_


End file.
